What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
