mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My ass is underappreciated
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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