I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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