Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
