Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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