I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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