that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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