so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
