your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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