I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
