Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize