people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
third nipple confirmed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
