Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
