How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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