Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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