What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
