worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
