just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
