The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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