Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
