It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
