I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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