Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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