I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
