Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
