So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
