I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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