he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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