somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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