whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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