FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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