fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
