im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
