just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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