ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
