I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
