just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
