WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize