Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
