I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
