Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
