billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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