were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize