I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
