I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
