i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
