Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Less talking, more tequila
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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