So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
40s are totally the cure
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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