I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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