Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
