A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
