were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
