What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
