it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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