We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
