i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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