Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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