so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
