If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
