i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize