I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
