Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
