you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So much rum. So many feels.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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