I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
