I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
