I cut my penus on the lid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
