Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
should my penis look like a turkey
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
