why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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