so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
