you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
