she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
