i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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