The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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