Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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