Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
