We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
