shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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