Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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