Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
