peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my liver is dry heaving
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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