the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
