Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
