if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize