not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
