my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
