found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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