she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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