i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
