Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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