Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
