Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
