Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
