I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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