The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
