I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
