We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize