Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
