I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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