Nicole vs. Life
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
