barbara walters just said penis...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
