4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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