so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
