omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
