i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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