i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize