Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
