I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
