hell yes lets make some ravioli
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she peed on how many people?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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