FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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