the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize