How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
