Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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