I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
