He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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