either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
